A Bottom Play How-To

I've seen a lot of threads regarding this subject. There's been a lot of prudery on the parts of some, some really good information and a few points that were questionable at best.

I personally have had the pleasure of having a great deal of experience with bottom play with the women I've been with. I've found a system that has yet to not be successful with a willing woman. I've shared what I've learned with a huge number of couples, and even a couple of doctors and have never heard of a single instance where the advice I gave failed.

My information and practices in this area come from two sources. The first is my own personal experiences, and I've had a lot of those experiences in teaching the women that I've been with, and the couples that I've known who were brave or secure enough to voice their interest in this play.

The second source for my practices is a book called "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino. I recommend it to everyone, male and female, gay and straight, who is interested in bottom play, or who would just like to have an accurately informed opinion on the subject, instead of practicing blind prudery or ill-informed advice from people who don't really know squat about this subject.

There's always some very standard advice for beginning to learn about bottom play:

Lots of lube! Though there are those who eventually learn to enjoy this play with very little or no lube at all, it's always best for beginners to use copious amounts of the stuff.

Go slow! You're going to be teaching your body to do something new. I strongly recommend that anyone wanting to be the receiver of bottom play begins by experimenting on one's self rather than letting the SO begin the experimenting. Sex is an area where you enjoy it the most when you know the most about your own body. Then communication becomes that much more easy with your lover because you know what your talking about first hand.

Start Small! There are many men and women out there who are capable of taking some pretty massive things into their derrieres. Starting small, like with a finger or a very small vibe or dildo, is where any beginner should start this little journey.

Practice good hygiene! Don't ever put anything into your vagina that's been in your bottom! Wash up with antibacterial soap afterward and preferably before hand. Thoroughly clean any toys that are used with antibacterial soap as well.

Now, outside the basics that I've just mentioned, and the book that I recommended earlier, there are a number of "tricks" that I've found make the learning of this kind of play so much easier and more pleasurable than just the basics allow. This is the advice that I've given that has never brought back any complaints or failures.

Though I'm speaking primarily to the women here, any men getting into this activity can easily utilize this advice as well.

Fair warning: Some may progress very quickly through these steps while others may have to try a number of times to become really proficient in letting this become pleasurable.

Ladies, when you and your lover are going to be getting into this type of play, it is paramount that your pleasure comes first and foremost!!! But, the best way for you to learn this is by yourself!

The very first step is that you have to decide that you really want to do this. The decision has to be yours with no outside pressure.

For you women who are capable of having a number of orgasms in a single day/night time period, I strongly recommend that you masturbate and come to orgasm at least once just prior to beginning to play with your back door. The hand-held shower nozzles are awesome for this since the hot water is also going to help that area of your body relax. The orgasm(s) you have just before your exploration begins will also help with the relaxation of those muscles.

For those of you who get too tender to have another orgasm shortly after just having one, go directly to the next step.

This is where some real fun begins. Get yourself really horny, randy, sexed up, hot n bothered, dripping with desire, wanton, but DON'T let yourself achieve orgasm! While you're in this pent up state your body should be much more open to other suggestive playing. Keep spending most of your efforts on however you're use to bringing on an orgasm without letting it happen, while also beginning to play with your bottom, specifically your anus and the skin around it.

You should find that as you have contractions from the pleasure your giving yourself otherwise, that your anus is also contracting, even if just a little bit. Let your LUBED fingers explore the surface of the area back there and feel the contractions with your fingertips.

Women with nails should use caution with this next step, or use examination gloves to help shield tender flesh from long nails or hang nails. You should also use examination gloves if you have any open sores of any kind on your fingers!!!

While you're exploring the surface of the area back there, see if you can begin inserting a lubed finger (or a lubed, skinny vibe or lubed, skinny dildo) during the contractions or during a moment of rest. If you're still doing this in the shower then obviously you want to be using toys that won't be affected by the water if toys are what you're using. Some lubes may also cease to be functional if too much water is introduced to them.

The initial penetration is very important because it'll almost automatically tell you if you can proceed easily or if more time is needed just explore topically. From what I've found, the hornier you are when you get the initial penetration, the easier it is, and the more enjoyable it becomes in a shorter period of time. Being really, really, REALLY horny seems to help dramatically from what I've been told of the advice I've given.

The next step can happen with a few different things transpiring, mostly in the number of fingers inserted, or the size of the toy being used. For those of you who are able to get a successful insertion, that at least is comfortable, and at best is causing you to go over the edge and achieve your orgasm, you should be finding out by being aware of the sensations just how much you're able to do back there that first time. I've known a few women who were almost instantly able to move on to more than one finger or a larger toy back there. There have been others who were only able to use as much as a pinky finger until they learned to control that part of themselves through becoming more aware of the different sensations down there.

Either way, when you have a successful penetration and insertion into your derriere, that's when you want to allow yourself to have that orgasm you were fighting so hard to keep down. This is going to help your body learn that this is for pleasure and begin remolding its instincts about that part of itself. Then, pull out or continue according to what your own instinct says you can do, and then do whatever feels natural after that. Usually relaxing is a pretty good idea.

This process can be repeated as many times as you wish or need to, to really get the full pleasure and effect of this kind of play. Allowing your SO to watch you do this to yourself should also help him or her to learn how to give it to you.

Again, from this advice I've known some women who have taken a number of times to get this to be a success, while there have been others who have had success right from the start. I even know of one woman who was taking anal fisting within a week of taking my advice, and she was a complete anal virgin prior to my advice.

Once you've done this successfully, you will start becoming much more conscious of your muscles that make up the anus and you should be able to start controlling them rather than just forcing them to cooperate. Again, this control is something that may happen the first time you do this, it may not happen until a later session of exploration.

I've kept to some very simple basics of how to do this. I'd love to hear the experiences of others from either trying this or learning another way.

I by no means consider myself to be any kind of an expert in this area. I'm only writing this from my own experiences and the experiences of others that I've told these things to.

Sorry this was so long. Information like this can't be given in just one or two sentences.

Continuation from later in the same thread...

The biggest key with this pleasure, for the one that's doing the receiving, is that your pleasure and comfort have to be first priority over everything else that comes before during and right after the act. I've stopped sex on the drop of a dime because the woman I was with felt a tinge of discomfort. Then I slowly moved on to pleasuring her another way without "getting my cookies" at all because of my concern for her comfort.

In time this can become just another part of sex play, like with my wife and I, we get into anal sex almost as easily now as changing from missionary to doggy-style. You'll also be able to experiment with the various positions just like with vaginal sex. We enjoy it immensely when my wife is on her back and I'm entering her derriere from an upright position. I love seeing her cunni while I'm doing this, and this position also allows her easy access to masturbate while I'm in her bum. While in this position she's also inserted on of those small remote control eggs into her vagina and used another vibe on her clit. When I thrust into her bottom the egg presses snug against her G-Spot. The combination of the three pleasure points being stimulated all at once has sent her into some room-shaking orgasms.

I can't stress enough how important it is for the one receiving to explore this pleasure with her or himself FIRST! And a number of times afterward just to make sure. You cannot guide someone else through the motions to please you this way if both of you are equally lacking in the knowledge of how your body will receive this pleasure.